Man: Answer me this! Why are we forced to work?
Why must we pay money to eat?!
It's insane! Can't we all just share?!
Look around.
The rich get fat while the poor die.
Where is the freedom in this world?
Does it even exist?
We are all just slaves to our work!
And is work fun?
No! How could it be?!
We do not want to work, period!
That's why I, hammerhead, will change our society!
I'll make it where only those who want to work will work,
while the rest are supported!
We will create a utopian world!
The paradisers, led by hammerhead,
will realize this!
( Bystanders murmuring )
Paradiser: Boss, nobody's listening.
Hammerhead: All these damn idiots!
( Groans ) They're-- they're not ready for us anyway!
Let's go!
That guy zeniru's loaded.
We'll wreck his posh penthouse
and show everyone that we mean business!
High-rise apartments are symbols of inequality!
Paradisers: Yes, sir!
♪
( Singing in Japanese )
Paradiser #2: What a show-off.
This whole building is zeniru's home.
( Hammerhead growls )
There's no way in hell he made so much money legally.
It's unforgivable.
Bring it down!
Paradiser #3: Yes, sir!
♪
( Bystanders screaming )
Paradiser #3: The target has been destroyed.
( Hammerhead chuckles )
Man, these experimental battle suits
sure do pack a wallop.
I mean, sure, we had to steal them,
but when it's all said and done, it was totally worth the risk!
Paradiser #2: Wait. That was the wrong building.
My bad, boss.
Actually, his house is a little further up.
Hammerhead: Whatever! Everyone makes mistakes!
But the important thing is to learn something from them.
Am I right?
Paradiser #2: Right you are, sir!
Hammerhead: Then onward to zeniru's!
Move out!
Paradisers: Yeah!
♪
Boy: You're amazing!
Thanks a lot, bicycle guy!
( Saitama snoring )
( Shrieks ) I will not play rock-paper-scissors with you!
You've got a booger on your finger!
- What a dream. - ( Beep )
Newscaster: The terrorist group responsible for the riots
call themselves the paradisers.
They've destroyed a high-rise building in city f,
and the situation seems to be spiraling out of control.
I'm receiving word
that we've just learned the identity of their leader.
This is hammerhead,
a b-class criminal who's been involved
in several violent incidents in the past.
He's a man of large stature,
standing 6'6" tall and weighing 462 pounds.
According to one eyewitness report,
he fought 20 men in a street brawl
and sent each of them to the hospital.
The paradisers sent the following message
directly to this TV station.
"We will continue to riot until food, clothing, and shelter
are provided free of charge to those who do not work..."
Saitama: Sounds pretty boring. ( Gargles )
Newscaster: Like their leader hammerhead,
the group is made up of unemployed young men...
Saitama: No need for me to get involved.
Newscaster: Reports indicate that they all have shaven heads,
making them not only uniform in appearance,
but quite intimidating.
It is advised that those who encounter
any shaven-headed men on the street
should leave the area immediately.
Saitama: What?
No. Bastards!
Those thieves, they stole my look!
I spend all this time trying to be a hero,
but if they keep acting like jackasses,
I'll be treated like a villain!
No! They will pay!
- ( Bystanders yelling ) - Man: Run!
Woman: It's them!
Man #2: The paradisers are coming!
Officer: Man, they're tough.
They're not gonna back down.
( Hammerhead laughs )
Officer: It's too dangerous!
Rider: Stop right there, you thugs!
( Paradisers murmur )
Rider: The bicyclist for justice,
mumen rider, is here!
Woman #2: Mumen rider has come to save us!
Man #3: There's nothing to fear with him around!
( Mumen rider chuckles )
Hammerhead: A hero, huh? What a joke!
Mumen rider: Here I come!
- ( Blow lands ) - ( Woman #2 screams )
Man #3: Somebody call an ambulance!
Butler: Mr. zeniru, you must flee!
( Zeniru scoffs )
What, are you kidding? I can't do that.
Running away from terrorists would hurt my reputation.
Bodyguard: There's no need to leave.
( Zeniru gasps )
Bodyguard: Not while I'm around.
You're quite the lucky man having this occur
while I'm still under contract.
Butler: You're just one bodyguard, you can't--
zeniru: Whoa, sonic, that's the spirit!
But are you sure you can handle this by yourself?
The men coming are--
sonic: Of course I can.
( Both gasp )
Sonic: You should be concerned with their lives,
so start thinking of a way to dispose
of the pile of dead bodies I'm about to make.
The paradisers, a bunch of upstarts
lucky enough to be equipped with some new type of battle suit.
But they're led by that b-class criminal hammerhead.
He might have some backbone.
♪
Paradiser #2: Boss, look.
You can see zeniru's building across the woods.
People call it "the golden turd."
( Paradisers laugh )
Hammerhead: All right, let's go!
Something's wrong.
Sonic: I've been waiting for you, hammerhead.
Zeniru sent me.
( Hammerhead chuckles )
Sonic: Let me start out by saying this.
No opponent of mine has ever escaped alive, not once.
I plan on keeping it that way.
When it comes to my job, I'm a perfectionist.
But if you surrender right now, I'll let you live.
So what's it gonna be, then?
( Giggles )
Hammerhead: Go!
♪
What is this?
( Paradisers yelling )
Hammerhead: What's going on?
Paradiser #4: Why is every--
hammerhead: Holy crap!
( Gasps )
Bastard!
Sonic: What's all this?
Trying to intimidate me?
You can't see me, can you?
Hammerhead: There you are!
( Man screams ) It's a terrorist!
Saitama: No, I'm not! Chill out!
( Sonic chuckles )
So he decided to fight instead of run.
( Giggles )
Oops, there goes my bad habit again.
( Hammerhead laughs )
You're just a little dog bought by zeniru's money.
You really think someone like me who's fighting for a noble cause
can lose to a gun-for-hire dog like you?!
Sonic: I see what he's up to.
It's just as I thought. He's a complete fool.
He could have at least
tried to arrange the rocks in a less obvious way.
( Hammerhead growls )
There are plenty more more rocks where those came from!
And if you don't stop me,
they're just gonna keep on coming!
Sonic: So let me guess.
You think you'll be able to deal with my speed
if you know which direction I'm coming from?
How utterly pathetic, but I'll play along.
In fact, I'll take you...
Head-on!
♪
Hammerhead: He's too fast. I can't see him.
But it doesn't matter,
'cause I got this!
Gotcha!
Think about how stupid you were
to face off against the likes of me on your way down to hell!
Agh!
Sonic: It's over.
Yeah. Unfortunately I couldn't go easy on them.
Yes, hammerhead's body is over here as well.
I'll head back now. ( Gasps )
The corpse is gone?
( Birds flapping, squawking )
Hammerhead: Whew. That was close!
It's a good thing
that ninja freak hit me in the head.
Luckily, my skull's
always been several times thicker than a normal person's.
Damn it. I don't know who that bastard was,
but one day, I'm gonna kill--huh?
Great. Now what?
( Bird squawking )
Saitama: Huh?
Oh, there you are.
Genos: As with the mosquito monster,
it seems I grossly underestimated
my opponent's power once again.
I let my guard down, and kabuto took advantage of that.
If master saitama had not been there as well,
I am certain that I would have been destroyed.
Man: I see.
Well, either way, I'm glad you're all right.
Genos: Doctor, he saved me from certain death
on two different occasions.
You were the one responsible for restoring my life.
Later, this same life was saved by master saitama,
who now has saved it again.
Dr. kuseno: Ah, yes, I think I get the picture, genos.
You're trying to tell me just how amazing
this saitama fella is. Am I correct?
Genos: Yes, sir.
Dr. kuseno: Listen to me, genos.
They're not quite ready just yet,
but I'm developing a new set of augmentations.
When I replace your existing parts with them,
you may even be able to surpass your friend.
He must possess an enormous amount of strength
for you to go on and on about him to such a degree.
Genos: Yes.
Hammerhead: So what's your deal?
Did you come out here to sign up with the paradisers?
Saitama: Not at all. Actually,
I'm just a guy who's a hero for fun.
For personal reasons,
I'm out here to smash all your heads in.
( Hammerhead stammers )
Saitama: So, uh, where are your followers?
Hammerhead: Then die!
( Chuckles )
All right, enough.
I better get out of here quick.
Eh?
How?
I thought I punched him.
Saitama: Aww. What a letdown. I was pretty excited
to see the battle suits I'd been hearing about,
but the design's pretty lame,
and all they do is give you superhuman strength.
( Hammerhead stammers, growls )
You have no idea how hard it was
to get ahold of these things!
How could an insignificant gnat like you
know their true value?! Huh?!
( Growls )
Today is your lucky day!
I've been waiting
to test the full power of this suit on someone!
( Yells )
( Growls )
Spin attack!
Saitama: Whoa. When I was just a kid,
I used to use that move all the time.
Hammerhead: Guh?
No! Impossible!
♪
Saitama: Hammerhead, huh?
He's a lot like me.
Hammerhead: No way. What the hell are you?!
( Groans )
( Gasps )
( Shrieks )
Wait! Hold on! I just--
I just wanted to get out of working, that's all!
( Nervous laugh )
( Winces )
Saitama: Don't be bad anymore, okay?
Hammerhead: What? Wait.
You mean you're not gonna kill me?
Saitama: Get lost.
Hammerhead: Right! You got it!
( Yells )
( Birds trilling )
( Saitama sighs ) That's that.
Sonic: Where did hammerhead wander off to?
Saitama: Huh?
Sonic: There's no one left here but you.
Saitama: Hmm.
He was heading in that direction,
screaming and yelling, buck naked.
Saitama: What's this thing?
( Sonic gasps )
Saitama: Hey, you got it wrong.
Sonic: What have I got wrong?
Saitama: I know how this looks,
but I'm not one of the paradisers.
Sonic: You're a terrible liar.
Saitama: No, no, no!
Don't be stupid! Look at me!
Sonic: I don't really need to.
With that bald head, there's no denying it.
Saitama: Come on. Really, take a good look at me!
I'm the guy who's out being a hero for fun!
- I'm not a villain. - Sonic: Never heard of you.
( Wind blows )
Saitama: Oh, I see.
Sonic: Either way,
it doesn't matter to me in the least.
You were able to read my attacks two times in a row.
That's the real problem.
Born in a ninja village,
I've been honing and perfecting my techniques
since my earliest days of childhood.
Yet you saw right through them in an instant.
This, I cannot permit.
Saitama: What's he talking about?
My pride won't allow it.
I don't care who you are.
I can't let you simply walk away.
- Saitama: Oh, come on. - Sonic: Hmm?
Saitama: You just want to try out
those honed and perfected moves on me.
I can tell by that innocent smile of yours.
( Sonic giggles )
♪
What do you think of this speed that breaks the sound barrier?
Of these shock waves?
Can you even see me?
How can you possibly keep up with me?
Saitama: Uh...
Can I go home?
( Sonic gasps )
Bastard!
Wind blade kick!
Saitama: Checkmate.
Oops.
Sorry. I--
I didn't do that on purpose.
I meant to stop before hitting you,
but your momentum carried my fist into your, um--
( sonic shrieks )
( Gags )
♪
Listen, I've worked every job from assassin to bodyguard.
I'm the deadly ninja,
speed-o'-sound sonic!
But for the time being, my work will be on hold.
Now that I've found such a formidable opponent,
I'm dedicating myself to training until we settle this.
( Winces ) Let me know your name!
Saitama: It's saitama.
Sonic: Saitama!
Next time we meet, it'll be your demise!
( Shuddering )
Saitama: Sure.
I, speed-o'-sound sonic, the ultimate ninja,
will not rest until I have brought you down!
Saitama: Go train hard.
♪
Genos: Speed-o'-sound sonic?
Who is that?
What kind of person would possess such a redundant name?
Saitama: Don't know. He appeared out of nowhere,
said we were rivals, and then took off.
Genos: If he is bothering you, I will get rid of him.
Saitama: You're not much better, you know.
Actually, why are you here again?
Go home. It's not like we're related.
Genos: Master, I must become stronger, because--
saitama: Shut up!
The incidents from today made me aware of a serious problem,
and I'm reeling from shock,
so I beg you, just go home.
Saitama: A serious problem?
For somebody as great as you are?
But what could it possibly be?
Please tell me.
♪
Saitama: No one knows who I am.
( Genos gasps )
Saitama: It's been right around three years
since I first became a hero.
I've defeated a lot of monsters
and evil organizations during that time.
Come to think of it,
I've never heard of any other heroes doing as much as me,
not even close.
Everyone in the world should know my name by now.
I mean, isn't it kind of weird
that I don't have any fans or anything?!
You know what he said to me today?
"Never heard of you."
"Never."
On top of that,
everyone in town thought I was one of those terrorists.
They forgot how I beat those monsters
and all the other stuff I've done for them.
Genos: He is right.
I recall seeing the news report earlier today.
There was no mention of master saitama
or speed-o'-sound sonic.
Instead, the one credited for defeating the paradisers
was a hero called mumen rider.
Hold on. Master...
Saitama: Hmm?
Genos: Are you listed with the hero registry?
Saitama: "Take a test
"at any local branch of the hero association.
"If you score better than the cut-off,
"you will be registered in the hero registry
"and will be allowed
"to officially call yourself a hero.
"Once officially recognized, you'll be deemed a pro
"and will be paid for your work
"through donations collected by the association.
"All the heroes in the public eye
"are fully registered, accredited, and professional.
"You may be doing plenty of hero work,
"but if you're only a self-proclaimed hero,
"you're really just some weirdo..."
Genos: "...Some weirdo spouting nonsense
and viewed with great suspicion," it says.
( Saitama sputters )
I had no clue.
So, genos, are you registered?
Genos: No. Should I be?
Saitama: Huh?
Hey, let's sign up!
Go register with me, and I'll make you my official disciple.
Genos: Sounds like a plan.
(Hammerhead gasping )
P-please...
Don't do this. Forgive me.
♪
Cyborg: Pleading for his life
after stealing battle suits from the organization?
He truly understood nothing.
Cyborg #2: Of course, we did let the theft take place
in order to collect the data from the suits in the field.
Cyborg #1: And the body?
Cyborg #2: Leave it.
Hammerhead: Thanks for giving me my thick skull, mommy.
I promise. I promise I'll get a job.
Newscaster: Our guest this morning is Mr. majimeda,
an expert on the labor issues confronting young people today.
Thanks for being here.
Majimeda: Thank you for having me.
Newscaster: Mr. majimeda, as we saw
with the paradiser incident recently,
there's an increase in young people
who lack motivation to work.
Would you care to comment on this phenomenon?
Majimeda: Even in the case of the paradisers...
Saitama: Honestly, I'm really not that different from them.
Majimeda: ...By trash television and irresponsible lyrics...
Saitama: Those unemployed guys are a lot like me.
Majimeda: ...And "make your dreams come true."
People who believe such hogwash
end up making excuses for themselves
and become discouraged...
Saitama: If I'd taken a wrong step,
would I have ended up like that, too?
♪
( Singing in Japanese )
( Crowd murmuring )
( Saitama gasps )
Genos: So are you ready, master?
Saitama: Uh, sure.